Well, it's been a long time since I've even thought about blogging. It's something that, every time, I have to force myself to do, but am grateful when I'm done. But the past few weeks have been eventful to say the least. A couple weeks ago, I was at the beginning stages of shin splints and every step was mixed with a sharp pain in my leg. In addition, my heel was also giving me lots of trouble. This, mixed with homesickness and a strong desire to see my friends resulted in a spur of the moment bus ride back to Pittsburgh (18 awful hours to be exact.) It felt bizarre leaving trail, and even more so after 2 days of being home. It was a massive culture shock to be sure. But the visit was well worth it with tons of great times with friends. But even more difficult than coming home was coming back. Although I anticipated this outcome, it was still much harder than I had expected. I got sucked back into my old urban way of living after only being home for two days. Going from constantly available entertainment to silence, showers to filth and stank, Cars and motorcycles to boots, home cooked meals to ramen, and so forth is sometimes a refreshing transition, especially when one is city sick; but, going without for 5 weeks, and then suddenly having everything at once, for an extended period of time, and then not again is interesting. You try and hold on to the comforts. But, what you want is 90% of the time not what you need. And, I knew full well that i would be much happier and better off here than i would back home, so i kicked my butt back out into the wilderness once again.
It's been an interesting so far, and I'm slowly getting back into my groove, but there has been a little more backsliding than i had anticipated. When I had left the trail, we had just been presented with the easiest trail so far, and in turn, I flew through the miles and averaged 4mph through a good portion, which is basically jogging (which is why i injured myself.) But now that I'm back, in the same terrain, and intimately feeling every mile. My legs are healthy, and my injuries are gone for now, but my body is still recovering from two weeks rest, and so is my motivation. It's a very difficult, yet important lesson to learn to push yourself to do things (and not be forced by others) that you aren't ecstatic about at every moment of the day. I'm still learning this, but it's amazing where it takes you, and the hidden aspects of life that it opens up to you.
When it came time for me to leave for springer mountain at the end of March, the last thing that i wanted to do was follow through with my plan. It became overwhelming and almost ridiculous when i thought about it. I had this strange feeling that I was signing up for my own death. Not that i actually feared for my life considering the trip, it just felt as if i was giving up everything and everyone i loved; and, six months is a very very dim light at the end of the metaphoric tunnel if you're looking to go home the whole time. Thankfully, I pushed myself past my fears and wants, and so far it's been one of the most eye opening and monumental experiences of my life. The world has opened up to me, and I no longer feel bound by my hometown or by my current situation. All it takes is a day to completely change your environment and situation. It was amazing how quickly I was home, after deciding to take a small break. A complete change of environment, lifestyle, people, and experiences happened in a single day. And, just as quickly, here i am again, in a new town, in a new state. I know it seems that I'm pointlessly rambling, but these are simple concepts that i didn't truly understand before. I can change my situation and my path, and not just dream about it and think of "what could have been." It just takes a respectable amount of courage to take that first step. It's the same concept as a spouse continuously returning to her abusive husband. It's less love and more a fear of the unknown that bounds her, and it's the same for many people i know. They long to get out and see the world and change their degrading situation, but the unknown is terrifying. It is. It's seductive and exciting from a distance, but when the time comes to act on your dream, the dream is now a reality, and the struggles and complications that you minimized and replaced with the allure now become your minds main focus. FDR's famous lines, "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Truth, truth, truth.
Anyways. I'm moving once again, at a slower pace. I did my first miles in Virginia yesterday and have around 550 left to go. I'm at mile 460 currently. The trail runs through the town and over the sidewalk right in front of this library. Pray that God guides me and works through this trip to produce much fruit for my future, and pray that I can acquire the funds to follow this trip to it's completion. As it appears now, it's very possible that i will run out of money well before Maine, but if this is the case, i will be content with however far God takes me; for this trip isn't to prove anything to anyone, it's about experiencing life and a small part of the world, and pushing myself towards growth and development. Whether i make it 1000, 1500, or 2186 I'm sure the result will be beautiful, and the remainder can be left to experience another year.
Much love to everyone back home. I felt extremely blessed by the amazing people that God has placed in my life upon returning home. You all are wonderful.
